Goodbye California?
I feel like I'll never make it back to California. Like I'll be stuck in Connecticut for the rest of my life.
When I first got married and moved out here, a part of me was excited - excited about leaving some drama behind (even though it meant leaving my good friends and of course, my family). I was excited about starting a new life as a married woman. That excitement soon turned into a slight depression. The fact that I couldn't find a job and was at home didn't help me feel any better. Helping raise my niece did help though, and brought me out of my misery, as did finding a job.
Back to when I first got married - I knew my husband wanted to move to California so I figured it was only a short matter of time before we made the move back to the land I love. A year passed, two years passed, and this summer will be 3 years, and we're not going anywhere. It's funny how I had it all planned out and nothing worked out that way. It seems that as each year passes, we move further away from being in a situation where we'll move to CA.
I know I can suck it up and make the most of my life here ... but I don't want to. I want to raise my kids in a place where they can play outside 9+ months out of the year. Not one where it takes 15 minutes to strap on a sweater, gloves, a jacket, boots, a hat, etc before going out. Even the summers here are ridiculously humid.
I feel that as we move further from moving to CA, I move further from wanting to have children. I figure if we can't make the move now, how are we going to do it with a baby? With a toddler? With a child in school?
My husband is in a new situation now where I'm happy for him, beyond belief, for getting what he wanted. But I also know that this will only keep me away from California that much longer.
I know he still wants to move, but wanting is never enough ... is it?
posted by sherni @ 9:03 AM
5 Comments:
Funny - as a child, one of the things I loved most was playing in the snow. It's magical. I wanted to be outside every single day that it was snowing, for hours on end. I know that it's not part of your image of childhood play, but your kids might absolutely adore it, and it wont discourage them from being outside at all.
I will admit that playing outside when it's just cold isn't as much fun, but I did like walking (what's that?) outside and watching my breathe condense, and then feeling my bones warm up when we came inside. The family had rituals around these, and neither of my parents grew up with snow.
A friend of mine, in Australia, regrets the fact that her daughers are growing up without snow, and takes them to the mountains to see it.
I also loved the hot and humid summers - the dog days. I used to leave SF and go to the East Bay in search of them. The lack of seasons irked me, much as I loved the Bay Area.
oij ~ unfortunately, hubby has been applying in ca but jobs for what he does are much more scarce out there. for every 1 job there, there's 10+ in new york. And, I have his mom here, so I can't even use that "dropping off the kids" excuse =)
ennis ~ my dear, i don't think we'll ever get along in real life. anyone who doesn't love the bay area is no friend of mine!
ok j/k. we can still be internet buddies.
I don't understand the "no seasons" thing. It gets warm and nice in the summer. It also gets pretty damn cold in the winter, especially in SF - especially this recent winter - to the point where my ny-raised husband is freezing. And we have pretty trees changing colors - I used to watch them on my drive to school everyday in the fall. And spring showers, hell they're not stopping in the bay area! And we have hills everywhere you look, granted they're brown a lot, but they're still hills! The east coast is so flat. Ok, as you can see, I've had this discussion way too many times with way too many people =)
Oh I loved the bay area very much but I did miss some things. Yes, the hills were great in SF. But where I lived, and where I worked down the peninsula, leaves didn't really turn pretty colors like they do in New England. And the winters never got crisp, and the summers never got sweltering. As a matter of fact, June and July in SF were actually kind of chilly. It's different, and I missed some of the things I had grown up with. Now, you grew up in the East Bay or San Jose, is my guess, and they had more in the way of seasons out there than they did where I lived (pac heights, but near japantown, in the funkier, less posh side)
amn~ see, but at least you like your new home! i wish i could say i liked mine. sigh. a perfect world would be .. well, perfect =)
ennis ~ hmm, yes, i've never really known anything aside from san jose (led a sheltered life), so i'm basing all of my weather perceptions on that. and also, i want to tone my body, not torture it with that cruel diet!
Post a Comment
<< Home